New love, new hope and a room filled with intimacy, connection and smiles makes me happy. I get excited when an engaged couple comes in to see me. The energy feels good! Relationships are curiously beautiful and wildly rewarding. They are filled with the highest of highs, especially at the beginning, and yep, they also come with some difficulties and practicalities of life, but these challenges are manageable and they can lead us to growth and depth of character that includes compassion and love that are hard to describe. Being proactive in planning a future and having conversations about vital aspects of a marriage is wonderful and wise and will help us to wind our way through.
Marrying is about joining lives – combining hopes, dreams, plans, spiritual quests, friends, finances, our families of origin, their families (meaning extended family,) traditions, time and money resources, rooms, bathrooms, closet space, drawers, the freezer, and just about all things! It comes with a need for good, solid, relational navigation and compromising skills. It comes with a needed understanding of what our partner’s belief systems are in regards to these areas and clarity about general life goals. Understanding our core values and if they align or conflict with our future spouse’s is extremely helpful to know upfront.
Many newly married couples come to me struggling in these areas and they have lost much of that hope and life energy aforementioned. While some of this is natural, (the science of love teaches us we are FLOODED with chemicals during the 3-6 months of a new relationship,) much of it could have been avoided had they engaged in discussions and made important observations and decisions before marrying. It’s unfortunate! While I am highly invested in helping couples at any stage, it’s really refreshing when I’m with a couple who is working early on to pave a path of success.
As individuals, we come to our new relationships with behaviors and ideas that worked in our past relationships, and/or, we come with mistakes and broken hearts that we definitely don’t want to bleed into our new lives. It’s important to understand what THIS unique relationship needs. We may need to learn or re-learn ways to be with someone we love. Oftentimes we already know what is needed but we don’t know HOW do these things. This is what I can help with – an understanding of healthy relationships and guidance on how to get there.
So, come see me! Let’s set the framework of what your marriage is going to look like and be proactive in gathering tools to build your new, solid, stable, and sensational life. It’s actually fun, and it’s very, very, smart.