“You gave me a forever within the numbered days…” (John Green, The Fault in Our Stars.) This quote struck me so sharply and intensely that I cried the minute I read it. It’s so TRUE. Time has a way of shaking us to the core when we lose a part of us that we thought we would have much longer, if not forever.
I have experienced very deep grief and loss. The kind that is unimaginable and what I call unbearable, yet it is as real as the chair I sit in. Surprisingly it has been bearable, but only because of my God, my faith, grit, and the unyielding and fierce love of people around me.
Grief hurts. It can feel like torture. Loss can be agony, the deepest affliction of a heart. How can we move through it and still not only feel like, but actually BE a thriving individual who lives and laughs and loves?
I say often that the human spirit is incredibly resilient. We are absolutely able to move through pain and find joy in life again. It’s a new and different life after loss, but it can be a good life. Healing is hard. It takes time and work, but it happens if we choose it. This ability depends on our belief systems about our loss and whether or not we are hanging onto distortions that make our legitimate pain greater.
Grief and loss are a part of our natural lives. There is no way to avoid these experiences. Losing a family member to death, or divorce, or losing parts of life that have been a large part of one’s identity, like a career or even health can be shattering. There is real pain with these losses that is normal and healthy. I would be worried if one didn’t feel pain at such losses, because feeling pain at loss means we have felt love and have felt connection and have bonded. This is healthy and beautiful. The difficulty lies in our distortions. Sometimes in our grief we marinate in the “what if’s” or the “I should have” moments, and sometimes we believe that our life before the loss should have been different. We begin blaming ourselves or others and become bitter. We also feel a lot of fear related to what our lives will look like now. While questioning thoughts are natural, it’s important to move past them quickly if they do not have significance. If these questioning thoughts are true, recognizing this truth and making needed changes will be part of your growth and your ability to find joy and to better love those around you. If these thoughts are not true, then ridding your mind and heart of distortions and distractions will enable you let go of needless guilt, shame, and confusion, and instead, focus on and move through your loss with strength, courage, honesty, hope, love and compassion.
With loss comes change – a lot of change. In session, if needed, we will discuss how to navigate these changes in the best way possible, on all levels, including practical levels like time and energy resource management. We will work at a pace that is comfortable for you and will touch on every area that you think is important.
Loss is unique to the individual. No one has experienced exactly what we have because each individual is unique, each relationship is unique and each life is hugely unique. While others may have similar experiences, they have not had YOUR experience. It’s helpful to have a place to tell your story, to cry and to feel all the hard feelings that need a safe place for release. Talking openly and honestly with a person who is invested in you leads to understanding and growth. It’s enormously touching to watch this process. Watching light come back into a person’s countenance is one of the most rewarding experiences in session. I feel grateful to be a part of this.
So, come in! Begin the process of healing. You CAN actually do this and I know you have many reasons why you should. Together we will find your lesson, your power, your strength, your ability to grow, your light, your love, your laughs and your life.