Divorce Recovery
“Divorce shreds the muscles of our hearts so that they will hardly beat without a struggle.” (E. Lockhart)
This quote touches on the very essence of the pain involved in divorce – a broken and defeated heart. Divorce can be extremely excruciating and leave one feeling as if without a miracle or divine intervention, life will soon end. There are no words for the intensity of the pain when being left. It’s been called the ultimate and deepest betrayal. For many, divorce is the way out of a long and difficult relationship and can feel like a fresh start, a rebirth, a beginning of hope. Either way, I have seen more often than not, no matter what the reason, divorce is difficult and painful.
We marry the person we love. We commit to a life with them. We become best friends, business partners, lovers and parents together. We open up every part of our inner souls and trust our spouses to protect this vulnerability. We navigate every part of our world together, and then slowly, as if a bad seed was silently germinating, a weed begins to grow. This weed, without wise attention, can spread and choke all of our treasured blooms. This is Divorce.
Divorce is exceptional in that there are changes on almost every life level all at once. Our spirituality is sometimes shaken, its common to become physically ill because stress weakens our immune systems. Our family dynamics are altered, sometimes shattered completely, including the loss of in-laws that we loved. Our social status changes and friendships take a new shape, our financial situation is suddenly not what we had planned on and our jobs are often at risk if we must move or work less for child rearing changes. Many people have to go back to school to gain skills for higher earning potential. It’s a rough ride!
There are several heavy factors that are at play at once, all demanding constant attention and energy, and it can feel overwhelming and scary. Also, there are friends all around offering advice, and when this advice differs from each other it can feel defeating. Cognitive dissonance can be common, and can drain the heart and soul.
It’s vital to get support and education from professionals who know how to move through this challenge in the healthiest way possible. I promise you that it is possible to come out the other side of this storm stronger and more solid than pre- divorce. We are unique individuals with unique talents and we are born with strengths and abilities that are custom designed for our own use. In therapy, we will discuss healthy coping, move through any anger and pain and actively work to not let bitterness and fear dominate future choices. We will re-build your life into something beautiful, adding new and different colors than you had ever thought possible. Together, we will find your strengths, use them to overcome weaknesses, find understanding and healing, and evolve into a more wise, compassionate individual. Whether you are coming in for individual help or you are seeking knowledge for entire family dynamics, therapy is extraordinarily beneficial to the process.
So, dear friend, slow down for just a minute, take a deep breath, and reach out for help. You will survive this and one day it will be a tale to tell, and you will be the helper to another individual who is just now entering the ring.